Wednesday, November 07, 2007
~ 10:16 AM ~
There's something I really don't know whether I should remain my natural self or should I become a bad person.
Things I had been frustrating all about was God, He rules the world for this I understand, I have been attending services weekly and every now and there I pay attention to Him and even seek for His help during my difficulties times. He failed to solve my case, the case which involves fairness. In the end, I was being confine in camp while the rest of the people get to book out, all because I ride my bike to camp, I confine with the period from 2nd - 4th Nov on weekend and most of the time I was all alone without anyone to talk to. Moreover I wasn't the only one who ride bike and unfortunate I was being caught. What is the world coming to? Having God or not is still the same after being punish for they think is right! I have no say.
Then, with my transport that provides me with fast and comfort motorbike, I hate to have it all by myself, I shared it with anyone who willing to be my closer friend, even he/she is out with me, I'm willing to drive them home safe and sound and if they want to experience what is motorcycle feeling is, I'm also willingly to let them try. Even if being caught, I'll be the sacrificer. But it just seems that being someone close friend doesn't benefit much, I have been used by all my friend around me. Thought I don't expect them to treat me the way I treat them, just let me feel they will be there when I need them especially when I'm emotionally down or need someone to hang out with me. What is it to be when I needed my gf by my side and yet she wasn't there? Eagerly to meet her and show that I care and miss her during her absence but she simply don't care. And where is all my friend gone to when they are either in a relationship or doesn't feel like going out with me? Is it wrong treating someone too nice? Why is being a nice guy end up in a losing stage? Why is it praising and paying attention to God when I desperately needed Him to fight for my case and lift my confinement but ultimately I was being confine? What have all this comes to me at one go and being pressure so heavily whereby there's no one else to turns to?
