Tuesday, January 31, 2006
~ 10:36 AM ~
I always want to tell myself that I want to overcome obstacle and defeat evil temptation all by myself without God aid because I wants to be Jesus right hand. Be the top of all God's people, but I keep failing myself. I choose to carry God burden for Him, each time I heard people backsliding God, someone being a Christian but don't want to committ, my heart sink deeply. I feel sad for my father in heaven, I do God a favour by convincing the fallen Christian back to Him, lift him/her up while they fall, strengthen the new believer, couraged them and since I have already choose this place for God but why aren't God help me with it? Why didn't He bless me? Did God hate me because I was once rotten and spoilt person? Did He gave up on me? So many question and yet so little answer.
After so many temptation without blessing, I feel like giving up, feel like dump everything I ever love for with no remorse. I am giving myself one last chance to stand up, If I ever fall, I'll never stand up again. The temptation is too strong for me to hold, If the devil success in me, I might step out of your kingdom. Pardon me God.